The first time with a gigolo – What really happens: preparation, nervousness & what remains afterwards

— reading time: approx. 12 minutes | Category: Experience & Guides —

Imagine you’re 44 years old. You have a job you love, girlfriends you rely on, and a life that—from the outside—seems complete. And yet you sometimes fall asleep with the thought: When was the last time someone really wanted that? When was the last time there was real tension?

This woman does not exist just once. She is sitting on her sofa all over Germany, scrolling through her mobile phone and secretly asking herself: Could I really do this? Book a gigolo?

This article is written for them – and for all those who have never asked themselves this question aloud, but have known it quietly for a long time.

 

 

The numbers that no one says out loud

Before we talk about the first time, let’s be honest – with numbers.

According to a population-representative ElitePartner study , the sexual emancipation of women in Germany is noticeably increasing. Women today increasingly dare to pursue their sexual needs and talk about them more openly. At the same time, a study from Psychology Today shows: After six years of relationship, 80 percent of women are occasionally sexually listless – among men it is 40 percent. The gap is real. And it is huge.

A study by Headspace and Peanut confirms: Seven out of ten women have experience with a weak or barely existent libido – often not because they don’t want anything, but because what they want is not fulfilled.

At the same time, a survey by the Rheinische Post at Statista shows:

• 25 percent of women fantasize about a night of love with two men.
• 21 percent dream of sex in public.
• 20 percent of bondage games.

Fantasies that most never tell their partner.

And a recent survey by IntimGesund.de and the market research institute Appinio (2024) shows: Almost 40 percent of respondents report that sexual adventures outside the usual have had positive psychological effects in the long term – especially a better understanding of their own needs.

What do these numbers have in common? They talk about women who want more. And at the same time be ashamed to say it out loud.

Who actually books a gigolo?

Let’s dispel a myth: The typical gigolo customer is not the lonely woman who can’t find anyone. It is usually the exact opposite.

According to industry experts and expert escorts, most bookings come from the age group between 40 and 55 years old. Women who are financially independent. Women who know what they want – or finally want to find out. Women in long relationships who have thoughts of infidelity, but don’t want an affair. Women after a divorce who want to rediscover their body image. And yes: married women too – sometimes with the knowledge of their partner, sometimes without.

Gigolo Kevin – operator of callboyz.net, the best-known and most established gigolo portal in Germany – estimates that there are around 100 professional male escorts active in Germany who have women as customers. The offer is small – but the discretion is all the greater.

What these women have in common is that they don’t book a gigolo because they are desperate. They book it because they treat themselves. Write the script yourself for an evening. To finally be the person who is desired – completely, unintentionally, without expectations the next morning.

Before that happens: The thoughts that almost everyone knows

The first thing that happens when you’re seriously considering booking a gigolo isn’t excitement. It is a quiet inner interrogation.

“What does that say about me?”
It says that you are treating yourself. Exactly what men have been doing for decades.

“What if someone finds out about it?”
Reputable platforms like callboyz.net work with maximum discretion. No names on invoices, no public profile, no data that concerns anyone but you.

“Am I then a… well, you know?”
No. You book company, attention and – if desired – intimacy. This is a service market with clear rules, mutual respect and a professional framework. Nothing more, nothing less.

“And if I don’t like it at all?”
Then you learn something about yourself. That’s rarely a loss.

Most women who book a gigolo for the first time report weeks of thinking about it – and that the actual evening felt much more natural than expected.

Step by step: This is how a first booking works

No secret, no mystery – here’s what actually happens:

1. The selection

On platforms like callboyz.net, you’ll find profiles with photos, descriptions, ages, and character descriptions — sometimes even short videos or podcasts. You see who the man is – not only on the outside, but also how he talks about his work. Take your time. There is no right or wrong. Choose the one that makes you feel when you read it: Yes, I could feel comfortable with him .

2. The first contact

This is usually done via the portal, by message or telephone. You don’t have to say everything at once. A good gigolo will guide you through the conversation. He asks what you have in mind – not to put you in a box, but because he wants to make the evening so that it works for you.

You can say as much or as little as you like. “I just want a relaxed evening with company” is a completely legitimate answer. “I have a concrete idea” too.

3. Location and Setting

You will usually meet him in a hotel of your choice or he will come to you. You determine the framework. This is not a detail – this is the foundation. You are the person who decides.

4. The meeting itself

Many women describe the beginning of the evening as… surprisingly relaxed. A good gigolo builds closeness before fulfilling expectations. He listens. He is present. Not like someone looking at their watch – but like someone who actually cares about this moment.

What comes after that depends on you. Some women want conversation and closeness. Some want to dance. Some want to live out exactly what they have been imagining for years. Anything is possible. Nothing is mandatory.

5. The End

Again: You decide. When the evening ends, how it ends, whether there is a short smile or a long conversation. Professional gigolos let you go the way you want to go – without drama, without expectations, without a bad feeling.

What gigolos say about their customers’ first time

From various interviews and podcast conversations with experienced escorts, the same thing always emerges:

“The most nerve-irritating thing is usually the time before the meeting. When they are there, almost all of them relax within the first twenty minutes.”

“Many of my customers tell me the second time, ‘I didn’t think I’d feel safe so quickly.'”

“What women really want is rarely as exotic as they think. Most of the time, it’s quite simple: attention. To be seen. Someone who is really there.”

And perhaps the most interesting thing is that many gigolos do not describe their work primarily as a sexual service – but as an emotional space that they open. An evening without role expectations. Without years of relationship dynamics. Without “but you know how I am”.

What remains after the first time

The IntimGesund study shows it clearly: Almost 40 percent of those who have dared sexual adventures outside the usual report long-term positive psychological effects – especially a better understanding of their own needs.

Women who have booked a gigolo often describe a changed relationship with themselves. Not in a dramatic sense. More like this: a kind of self-image that has shifted. The knowledge that you can do something good for yourself. That you are allowed to do that. That you can.

Some never book again. Some become regular customers. And some describe it as traveling alone for the first time: as the moment when you realize that you can actually act for yourself – without permission.

For whom this is not the right thing – and why it is okay

Not every woman wants that. And not every woman who wants it is ready for it. This is not a verdict.

If you feel guilty above all else – not nervous, but guilty – then that’s a signal you should take seriously. Not because gigolo bookings are wrong. But because inner readiness is crucial for such an evening to really do something good.

If you are unsure whether this is something for you: Start by reading the profile of a gigolo. Listen to a podcast and just write a message – without obligation, without pressure. See how it feels.

Conclusion: The first time is one thing above all else – yours

There are millions of women in Germany who know that they earn more. More attention, more desire, more space for oneself. And at the same time, they are waiting for someone to tell them: That’s okay.

So: That’s okay.

You can wish for that. You can try it out. You are allowed to prioritize yourself – on an evening that is just for you. No drama. No explanations. No justification to anyone.

Because you deserve it.

 

 

 

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Sources & Studies

• ElitePartner Study 2020: Infidelity and Sexual Emancipation in Germany – presseportal.de
• Headspace / Peanut (2022): Female Libido and Sexual Satisfaction – refinery29.com
• IntimGesund.de / Appinio (2024): Psychological consequences of one-night stands and infidelities – presseportal.de
• Rheinische Post / Statista (2006): Sexual fantasies and preferences of women – statista.com
• Psychologie Heute (2005): Sexual Listlessness in Relationships by Duration – liebewohl.de
• Industry data: sexwork-deutschland.de, samhealth.de

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